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Sock monkeys in lieu of roses, please.

7 Rules for My Death

 

Sock monkeys in lieu of roses, please. I was writing a post for my PrimeParentsClub.com site about technology and death when I realized that I have rules about my death–not necessarily about how I die (clearly), but about what I want to happen after I die.

So, I give you:

Jackie’s Rules for Her Death

(in no particular order)

1. No open casket.

I repeat NO OPEN CASKET. I don’t want people staring at my bloated dead body and talking about how great my hair looks. It’s just creepy. I’m dead. I’m in there. You don’t need to experience that. TRUST ME.

2. No cremation.

Ok, I get it–ashes to ashes, dust to dust and stuff. But, it creeps me out. Please don’t put me in a big oven and burn me and expect my kids to be ok with that. Thanks.

3. No weird videos or pictures on my gravestone.

Enough said. I want a funny quote that I said on it. (There are many, take your pick.)

4. Bring sock monkeys, not flowers.

And then donate them –preferably this one or these–to Appalachian kids after the funeral. (No roses. Ew.)

5. Don’t put me on some weird postmortem pedestal.


I know it will be hard, but don’t place me on a pedestal after I die. I want my daughter to know that sometimes I’m not nice and sometimes I say the “F” word, but mostly I try to be a good person (like, 87.895% of the time). (You can leave the part out about my “Real Housewives” watching. Thanks.)

6. Trend me on Twitter.

I used to say I didn’t want you to tweet about my death, but I’ve changed my mind. Be sure to tweet all about it using the hashtag #DingDongTheSockMonkeyQueenIsDead.

7. Have a big party.

Seriously–go to a beach and have a big stinkin’ margarita party … because life is so much more fun than death, don’t you think?

What are your rules for your death?

 

Win this awesome WritRams tee and rainbow sock monkey!

WritRams 5-Year Twitter Anniversary Giveaway

m4s0n501

 

Today marks my five-year anniversary on Twitter — that equates to 3,722,567,002 minutes of mindless conversation in 140 characters or less … with all of you! (YAY!)

To commemorate my time spent on Twitter (and my ever spreading ass from sitting in front of a computer), I’m giving away what can only be called:

THE ULTIMATE WRITRAMS PRIZE PACK

Win this awesome WritRams tee and rainbow sock monkey!

I am giving away a @WritRams tee and a rainbow sock monkey. TOGETHER. TO ONE PERSON. (I know. It’s almost too much awesomeness in one place to handle.)

Front of Tee (men or women’s style): @WritRams: Welcome to the Land of Sock Monkeys and Lickable Wallpaper

Back of Tee: 5 Years on Twitter and All I Got Was This Stupid Tee

HURRY! WEEKEND GIVEAWAY ONLY!


Because this awesome prize pack will burn a hole in my blog if it sits longer than a weekend, we are closing out entries on Monday, September 3, 2012. (Dude, it’s LABOR DAY. What else will you be doing?)

MANDATORY ENTRY: Leave a comment on this post on why you love sock monkeys, lickable wallpaper, or both. THEN… come back up to the Rafflecopter app (that big rectangular thing below) and click on “I COMMENTED!”

There are also other ways to get entries, so I suggest you do those to because when I die you can eBay that t-shirt for at least $4.99.

Go on. DID YOU HEAR THERE WAS A SOCK MONKEY INVOLVED?!? (Don’t make me come over there.)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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