I was writing a post for my PrimeParentsClub.com site about technology and death when I realized that I have rules about my death–not necessarily about how I die (clearly), but about what I want to happen after I die.
So, I give you:
Jackie’s Rules for Her Death
(in no particular order)
1. No open casket.
I repeat NO OPEN CASKET. I don’t want people staring at my bloated dead body and talking about how great my hair looks. It’s just creepy. I’m dead. I’m in there. You don’t need to experience that. TRUST ME.
2. No cremation.
Ok, I get it–ashes to ashes, dust to dust and stuff. But, it creeps me out. Please don’t put me in a big oven and burn me and expect my kids to be ok with that. Thanks.
3. No weird videos or pictures on my gravestone.
Enough said. I want a funny quote that I said on it. (There are many, take your pick.)
4. Bring sock monkeys, not flowers.
5. Don’t put me on some weird postmortem pedestal.
I know it will be hard, but don’t place me on a pedestal after I die. I want my daughter to know that sometimes I’m not nice and sometimes I say the “F” word, but mostly I try to be a good person (like, 87.895% of the time). (You can leave the part out about my “Real Housewives” watching. Thanks.)
6. Trend me on Twitter.
I used to say I didn’t want you to tweet about my death, but I’ve changed my mind. Be sure to tweet all about it using the hashtag #DingDongTheSockMonkeyQueenIsDead.
7. Have a big party.
Seriously–go to a beach and have a big stinkin’ margarita party … because life is so much more fun than death, don’t you think?
What are your rules for your death?